I don't need you to tell me it's okay

emilia91 @ 2009-01-31T12:39:00

2009-01-31T17:58:06Z

The idiot. Maybe it was a misunderstanding, or the language. I didn't mean to offend him, but when he kept denying help it made me feel like a bad person, because I did accept someone's help when I needed to unwillingly. I'm all for independence and shit, but when your in a rut and someone willingly offers help, then take it. If you don't then the person who is offering help feels like they aren't good enough for you. Though its not right, its human nature. Especially among family. I couldn't help but get upset even though I wasn't the one in the shithole, so geez shoot me.

On a light note, I only attended school 2 days this week XD I got to sleep in all week, it was really nice! Though it sucks if we missed to many and graduation will be pushed back....I hope not. I don't really like the cold persay, but I feel like I should go sledding.

Today I went to the YMCA for the first time. Though I had to get up early (on a saturday) it was worth it. I feel so much better, though I got to say some stretches hurt, and I have absolutely no balance or upper body strength. Hopefully I can keep this up and run the 5K this spring. Its sad how out of shape I've become compared to my youth.
I'm also supposed to be getting my orange Quickfire today! I can't wait XD I mean I still hold a grudge as to whoever stole my iphone. I have to admit there are still some times I can't fall asleep because I get so upset, I mean I didn't even get to use the damn thing!

So I guess so far I've been keeping up with this. Lets see how long this lasts....

The Kills

2009-01-26T18:25:06Z

I ~~forgot~~ how sweet they are.

Once upon a time I came upon them in NYLON.
And though they're still cool, being on Gossip Girl was a bummer :(
I hope I get to see them live this year!

New Year's

2008-12-22T07:16:03Z

As weird as it feels, I can't believe how close this year is to ending.
Like most years, I can't remember much of it; especially the beginning.
But some of the highlights for the 2nd half of the year:

*Going to the Tegan and Sara Concert
*Getting an ipod
*Going to Guate
*FINALLY meeting Stef
*Going to France with Terasia
*Visiting Wilmar in Spain
*Starting my last year in High School
*FINALLY getting my license
*Getting my iphone stolen within 24 hours (damn you)
*Going to Columbus to visit Fuh with Koharu and Kelly
*Going to the Not So Silent Night Concert with Kelly
*Getting a laptop
*Getting a new sweet amazing camera
*Getting into Arcadia with a $60,000 scholarship

It's sad how much of what I've done this year, I've already forgotten. I can't believe how bad my memory has gotten.
I'm sure there's a lot of stuff I forgot, but oh well, I guess it wasn't that important.

I do know that with christmas coming around, I will be broke for sure. I just hope I get some good gifts in return = /
I know its a bit selfish, but I wish I could spend all that money on me instead of others.
Yah, I know that is bad.

I guess I can make some new year's resolution.
1. use this blog more
2. get a job
3. stay healthy by eating and exercising healthfully
4. improve my photography skills
5. improve my math grade
6. get into the college i really want to go to
7. travel somewhere exotic over the summer
8. go to NYC for spring break
9. be less selfish, and nicer to jenny
10. actually follow through with half of these

Next time I will put up more pictures that I've taken recently. ~~I just can't wait to use the new camera!~~

Sushi is delicious

2008-08-22T20:43:48Z

well i believe at least the rolls are.
But that is really my personal opinion.

and I also believe that the world is trying to stop me from a healthy consumption of food that i enjoy.
by screwin' up my mouth everytime theres somewhere good to eat.
Why can't i have my wisdom teeth taken out when all we have are potato this and that?
or when there is cabbage or spinach?
why oh why must i get a root canal the day before sushi day?
why not when i have to eat the school food?

its pretty unbelievable, and now this about me being pessimistic?!
come now, I am a proud realist.
Do not get the 2 confused.

I mean if i was that, my pictures would show it.

The Sad thing is that none of this are from france.
Thats the only trip I paid for.
0_o

me me she ~RADWIMPS

2008-04-14T14:21:56Z

So I came across these lyrics while i was crusing the Radwimps fansite on livejournal. nananini from live journal was so kind as to translate these to english for us. I never thought me me she was one of the best songs on the album, i just couldn't understand at all what the song was really about, but I could feel the sorrow, regret, and peace reached.

I don't like the original music video so here it is live. Its actually pretty good.

僕を光らせて君を曇らせた / boku wo hikarasete kimi wokumoraseta
この恋に僕らの夢をのせるのは重荷すぎたかな / kono koi ni bokura no yume noseru no ha omoni sukita kana
It brightened me up and cast you down
Was our dream a too heavy burden on this love ?

君の嫌いになり方を僕は忘れたよ / kimi no kirai ni nari kata wo boku ha wasureta yo
どこを探しても見当たらないんだよ / doko wo sagashite momiataranainda yo
I've forgotten the ways you disliked
I've searched everywhere but couldn't find them

あの日どうせなら / ano hi douse nara
On that day after all

「さよなら」と一緒に教えて欲しかったよ / 「sayonara」 to issho ni oshiete hoshikatta yo
あの約束の破り方を　他の誰かの愛し方を / ano yakusoku no yaburi kata wo hoka no dareka no aishikata wo
だけどほんとは知りたくないんだ / dakedo honzo ha shiritakunainda
Along with your "goodbye," I wanted you to teach me
how to break that promise, how to love someone else
but the truth is that I don't want to learn at all

約束したよね　「100歳までよろしくね」 / 「yakusoku shita yo nen 100(hyaku) sai made yoroshiku ne」
101年目がこんなに早くくるとは思わなかったよ / 101(hyakuichi) nenne ga konna ni hayaku kuru to ha omowanakatta yo
We've promised, right?
That we could count on each other till we are 100
I didn't think that the 101st year would come so soon

こんなこと言って　ほんとにごめんね / konna koto itte honto ni gomenne
頭で分かっても心がごねるの / atama de wakatte mo kokoro ga goneru no
I'm really sorry for saying things like that
My mind understood it but my selfish heart just can't take it

だけどそんな僕 / dakedo sonna boku
造ってくれたのは　救ってくれたのは / tsukutte kureta no ha sukutte kureta no ha
きっとパパでも　多分ママでも　神様でもないと思うんだよ / kitto papa demo tabun mama demo kamisama demo nai to omounda yo
残るはつまり　ほらね君だった / nokoru ha tsumari hora ne kimi datta
The one who made me the way I am, the one who saved me
for sure, it was not my dad; and probably not my mom…I don't think that it was
God either
Someone's left…oh, yeah, it was you

僕が例えば他の人と結ばれたとして / boku ga tatoeba hoka no hito tomusubareta toshite
二人の間に命が宿ったとして / futari no aida ni inochi ga yadotta toshite
その中にもきっと　君の遺伝子もそっと / sono naka ni mo kitto kimi no idenshi mo sotto
まぎれこんでいるだろう / magire konde iru darou
and if someday, I fall in love with someone else
and the fruit of our love grows between us
then that fruit will secretly bear your gene

でも君がいないなら　きっとつまらないから / demo kimi ga inai nara kitto tsumaranai kara
暇つぶしがてら2085年まで待ってるよ / himatsubushi ga tera 2085(nisenhachijyugo) nen made matteru yo
But without you here, it will be boring for sure
and I'll be killing time and waiting till 2085

今までほんとにありがとう　今までほんとにごめんね / ima made honto no arigatou ima made hontou ni gomenne
今度は僕が待つ番だよ　君が生きていようとなかろうと / kondou ha boku ga matsu ban da yo kimi ga ikite iyou to nakarou to
だってはじめて笑って言えた約束なんだもん / datte hajimete waratte ieta yakusoku nanda mon
Thank you for everything up to now , Sorry for everything until now
It's my turn to wait for you, either you're alive or not
Because that was the first promise we could make with a smile

「さよなら」と一緒に　僕からの言葉を / 「sayonara」 to issho ni boku kara no kotoba wo
「ありがとう」と一緒に　「ごめんね」を / 「arigatou」 to issho ni 「gomenne」 wo
Along with my "goodbye"
Let's hear me saying "thank you", saying "forgive me"

「空が綺麗だね　人は悲しいね」 / 「sora ga kirei da ne hito ha kanashii ne」
また見え透いたほんとで僕を洗ってよ / mata mie suita honto de boku wo aratte yo
次がもしあれば / tsugi ga moshi areba
"Sky is beautiful, humain is a sorrowful being"
Wash me up with your blatant truth
If you only had another chance

僕の好きな君　その君が好きな僕 / boku no suki na kimi son o kimi ga suki na boku
そうやっていつしか僕は僕を大切に思えたよ / sou yatte itsu shika boku ha boku wo taisetsu ni omoeta yo
Me whom you loved, you whom I loved
This is how I could start considering myself important

この恋に僕が名前をつけるならそれは「ありがとう」 / kono koi ni boku ga namae wo tsukeru nara sore ha 「arigatou」
If I wanna give a name to this love, it will be "thank you"

Wisdom Teeth

2008-03-16T05:25:41Z

Don't ask me why I'm on.

I have a killer headache and my hands are shaking.
I'm getting really dizzy and my fever is running high.
I can't see any good. (which is bad b/c I usually can't c)
so if this is unreadable...well i'm just pushing what i think is the right key.

This totally sucks.
I get a headache listening to music.
that's never happened.
so i blast it louder because i'm in denial.
but it hurts even more.
my hands are really sweaty and nasty.
my mouth is like 5x bigger.
i cant' talk.
i have no strength.
worst part is.
I have no friends that realize i need someone with me.
Its pretty depressing.
I really need someone with me.
Not only am I in physical pain, but in emotional distress.
I think its just b/c I have my period.
So I have lost a lot more blood than the Dentist expected.
seeing as how he's a man, he didnt' consider that factor.
But what i think is really the problem.
was that it annoys me that my friends just assume i skip school for the heck of it.
I mean I just let them believe that b/c they would have made a big deal if I'd told them the truth.
But now its just gotten ridicilous.
Everytime I miss school its like "ooh your skipping."
If I was, I wouldn't say anything.
For friends its like they don't even care.
I was so nervous thursday.
I had an appointment at the hospital and they were going to tell me the results.
I don't have stomach cancer.
Really. it was such a relief.
I had contemplated how life would be like if I did.
I saw how much my aunt and uncle suffered.
I didn't think I could go through all that.
I cried so much when no one was around.
it was such a relief, to no end.
I never really told anyone.
I mean i mentioned it once, b/c my friends were getting on my nerve.
But none of them took me seriously or understood.
Except Melissa. which was unexpected.
I don't really want to make a big deal of it, especially b/c it was a false alarm.
you know how everyone reacts to the word cancer.
THe Dr. said they still have to figure out what is wrong with me.
She says its making this worse than cancer b/c they don't know how to treat it.
But I'm still releived.
and then friday, well i wasn't really nervoused about the pulling of wisdom teeth.
not until afterwards.
okay thats a lie.
when they had to check my pulse, over and over, have the thing to help me breathe,stick in IV in me, and check my heart during the entire operation.
that freaked me out.
afterwards I had to suffer in pain for 5 hours until the medicine was ready.
let me tell you that was hell.
even though i'm through the worst part.
its still not any good.
my condition isn't any good.
and i have too much to think by myself.
I just need support.
But none of my friends realize how much I need them.
I can't blame them.
I usually don't, or brush them off when they try.
So I know its mostly my fault.
But still one always wishes friends could tell.
So I guess I'll just have to rely on myself.
Makes me mad to realize that when I need them they're not there, but I'm always there for them.
I guess i'm to nice and caring for my own good.
I freak out over the littlest thing for them.
But i guess even death wouldn't disturb them.
ehh okay thats pushing it.
i'm making them sound like heartless assholes.
but they're not.
I just need to vent my frustration. so sorry.
death would probably phase them.
It just goes to show that the only people you can rely on is family.
OK well I had to vent otherwise I would have had nightmares.
and thoughts of suicide. (in dreams ok)
i'm glad no one knows I have this.
and only strangers will come across this.
Maybe I should put this as private tho incase anyone sees this.
Or maybe deep down I want one of my friends to see this
and realize that i need them.
who knows.
i'm too doped up.

goodnighters

NOOOOOOO SLEEEEEP

2008-03-06T07:25:14Z

This really sucks. I didn't expect to actually use this thing, but with all these music rotation sites, well its like a nasty drug. (health wise).
Actually I can't fall asleep because I'm afraid of dreaming, which I have been doing lately. Nothing good comes out of it. geezzz. Oh, and I have a big freakin' project tommorow in french.

1. i despise the language
2. i can not speak it to save my life
3. i am not good in front of my fears....especially if you throw in a foreign language.
4. i'm going to be dead tired

I duno why I thought I was being smart taking french. I should have just taken the easy route and taken spanish. I would have actually learned how to read and write. jaja. I know. I'm not that bright.

Uggghhhhhhh. I think I may have to go drink some coffee.
Only 4 hours until I have to start getting ready for schoooool.
And I have french 1st period

O_O

I duno why, but it keeps bothering me that I am the only one that actually likes this picture. Other people tend to hate it and say it is not good photography. But they never say why?!!